Is this as vague a post as it should be?

Let’s call them Vanya. Vanya needs to know the “what shoulds” alot. Vanya is super concerned about what should be happening, what is normal, and what is socially acceptable. So much so that they’re not sure what they actually want to happen.

What their should be if you will.

Should Vanya be okay when certain members of their extended family – with much too much time on their hands – drop by whenever they want and when they do want to stay and hang out at Vanya’s house for hours because they don’t know what their own age-related carefree life should be about?

Should Vanya’s family have more family friends that they see on a regular basis?

Should Vanya’s kids have more friends?

Should Vanya be friends with their kids friends?

Should Vanya’s teenage kids be better conversationalists with their elders?

Vanya’s shoulds are eerily similar to Vanya’s mother Lila’s shoulds. Although Lila’s shoulds are much more sure even though they are rooted in a borderline unhealthy others needs are more important than my own needs and is my entire identity way of living. Not the questioning unsure shoulds that Vanya seems to be juggling.

Vanya has had a taste of what Vanya’s actual wants and personal shoulds were when the family roles they were juggling were more manageable.